Dead Saibaman
by DBZer16
Summary: The Monty Python "Dead Parrot" sketch with a DBZ twist. One-shot


**Disclaimer: Oh yeah. I completely own DBZ! I also go to the movies with my zombie unicorn boyfriend every night on Saturday after I play ski ball with the Easter bunny before he performs blood rituals on the moon to summon dead children to create candy for him. Give me a break. I don't even know who own Monty Python.**

Dead Saibamen

A short man with a black flame of raven hair landed his space pod on Planet Frieza #97. Looking very pissed, he marched into the tall white building. Inside, he found a tall burly bald man behind the counter in front of the equipment rack.

He clutched a large cage in his hand and glared at Nappa. Currently polishing some armor, he didn't hear the royal come in.

"Nappa! I have a complaint!" he sternly informed him. When he didn't respond Vegeta raised his voice and hollered at the other man, "I will kill you if you do not address my complaint!"

Nappa looked up from the breastplate and shifted his attention to the angry Saiyan. "Oh, I'm sorry, Prince, but I'm taking my lunch break."

"Does it look like I care," he seethed. "You will attend to my needs first and if you live then you shall eat. Look, not an hour ago I bought this saibaman for my mission. Guess what? It's dead!"

Nappa glanced in the cage to observe the creature before turning back to Vegeta. "No it's not. It's resting! Got a power-level of 1200 you know."

" A power-level of one million wouldn't do it any good because it's dead you half-wit!"

"No, no, no, no! It's just resting!"

Vegeta gave him an annoyed look. "Oh really?"

"Yup." He said with a nod.

"Then how about I wake him up?" Vegeta opened the cage door and shook the saibaman. "Hey! Wake up you worthless plant! Come on! I have some weak Yamchas for you to kill when you get up!"

Nappa reached over and smacked the bar. "There he moved!"

"No he didn't you idiot! You hit the cage!"

"I did not." He replied, folding his arms behind him.

"You did to!"

"I did no such thing Prince."

Vegeta glared at him, seething.

He yanked the thing out of the confinement and yelled in its ear. He then began to slam it onto the counter repeatedly. "Hello Saiba! This is your damn alarm! Wake up!"

The saibaman didn't move.

Vegeta let out an exasperated sigh and tossed it to the floor. "Now _that,_ is a dead saibaman."

"No it's not!"

"Then what is it then?"

"It's stunned," he explained, pointing to the green corpse.

The spiky-haired man turned to him with bewilderment on his royal features. "STUNNED? When I purchased this saibaman you assured me that its lack of movement was due to exhaustion after wrestling a galactic space slug!"

Vegeta growled. "This saibaman has passed on. It has ceased to be! It has met its maker and gone to the pile of dirt it was cultivated from in the sky! It has expired. This is a late saibaman. The only reason it was standing up to begin with was because it was glued there with ki! If you hadn't done that it would be lying next to the remains of some scar-faced jackass! This is an EX-saibaman you fool of a Saiyan!"

"Well, it had to be welded there otherwise it would hug those bars and Ka-boom!"

"This thing wouldn't 'Ka-boom' if you strapped it to a desert bandit, lit it on fire, and blasted it with a Gallic Gun! You know why? Because it's dead!"

"Then I guess I should replace it!" Nappa exclaimed as he ducked under the counter in search for more saibamen.

'The things I put up with!' Vegeta thought in irritation.

"I'm sorry Prince Vegeta, but I'm all out of saibamen at the moment."

Doing his best to keep his anger in check, he turned to the moron in front of him and growled.

"You have five seconds to think of a solution before I kill you. Five…"

"I have that galactic slug!"

"Does it screech? Does it have the same power-level as Radditz?"

"Well, um, not exactly, but,"

"Four… Three…" Nappa began to form beads of sweat when an idea hit him.

"How about this then: You go to my brother's equipment shop on Planet Frieza #54 and you can get a replacement there?"

"Two…"

"Absolutely free of charge!"

"Very well. Anything to not have to put up with you." With that, the prince stormed out after dropping the cage and took off.

An hour later, he landed on Planet Frieza #54 and, for the second time that day, marched into the supplies towers.

Inside, a copy of Nappa with hair was occupied with fiddling with the scouter in his hands. 'That can't be right." Vegeta thought.

"Servant! I demand to know where this is."

"Oh," he looked up at the prince, "this is Planet Frieza #54.6"

Growling, he dragged the saibaman behind him as he trudged to the communication tower.

"Hey! I will smash your skull in!" he shouted at one of the workers.

"What for?" he pondered.

"You gave me the wrong coordinates for Planet Frieza #54 you buffoon!"

"I did not! This is #54." He pointed to a neon sign above him that read: "Welcome to Planet Frieza #54! Enjoy your stay while you're alive!"

Then, Vegeta lost it.

He released a snarl and his dark black hair flickered to blonde as his eyes went to teal. He was so enraged he didn't even notice it.

He tore through the door, ripping it off its hinges. Nappa's counterpart appeared unaffected by fright by the prince.

"You told me this was Planet Frieza #54.6! This is number 54!"

"It was a pun."

The super-Saiyan pounded his fist through the counter. "How is that a pun!"

"I guess no one gets it." He shrugged.

Vegeta screamed.

"So, um. What do you want?"

"I want to strangle you!"

"Well that seems rather rude."

Then Frieza walked in.

Only a newly relaxed Vegeta whom was stained in blood walked out.

He never bought a saibaman again.

_A/N: Hi everyone! I was home sick so I was messing around with my laptop watching Teamfourstar and Monty Python. I think you can see where this went. First attempt at humor. How'd I do? I welcome anyone else to try it if they think they can do better. I'm thinking about doing one for the Holy Grail movie. If you'll excuse me, I have to see if I can find a way to breathe before I pass out from oxygen starvation._

_REVIEW!_


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